Friday, April 6, 2007
1:06 AM
Me: "Hmm, I realized that you(LL), nessa and I dont blog that often anymore."
LL: "YEA! Especially YOU."

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Then it hit me. Yea. Why dont i blog that often anymore? It used to be pretty much everyday. Is it really because I have no time, too busy with school work? I switch on the comp everyday, read blogs, talk on msn, check friendster, but I just din blog.

I thought, if I had wanted to blog, I have all the time in my life to do so. But I guess I just din want to. Wad is there to blog about? And again it hit me (things are always hitting me and it's starting to annoy me real bad), I always blog after OG outings.

I just talked to Steven on msn. He told me to let go. I'm going to spend (a freaking) 2 years in AC with all the new people and everything, and I might as well get used to it. I'm sure he's got a point, but I'm just reluctant to comply to it.

As much as I tried to grasp on tightly to my OG7, I can see that it's slowly starting to slip away. My meek efforts cant seem to retain what we used to be. Words just cant sufficiently describe this feeling (my shallow vocabulary bank is also partly to blame).

Me: "Hey Abel, do you guys still play soccer after school?"
Abel (shakes head): "No. No time la."

Something that used to be ever so normal, like lying down on the mattress simply just cuz we have nothing better to do, is deemed impossible now.

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Just 2 nights ago, I cried shit loads when I was in bed. It's my habit to always listen to a couple of songs before I drift off to sleep. Surprisingly, songs can affect me really easily. They just stirred up my emotions and make me think, think, think, and cry.

I thought of everything, SA, AC, SA, AC, SA, AC. Suffocated with tears and inevitably loads of mucus, I sat up and tried to calm down. Feeling lost and confused, I called Cheryl and poured out everything to her.

I still couldnt get over what my parents told me, the one about me having nothing to do with SA anymore. I thought that them, being my parents, would have known better than to tell me those shit stuff. Does it mean that it'll be OK if I told them I was going out with my AC friends? What difference does it make? Remembering the march holidays, I tried fucking hard to convince my parents to let me stay over at a chalet. I told them that it'll be the last time I can leave a hard core memory with my friends, considering that we'll all be off to different schools.

"Aiya you go wad chalet. Say you wan to talk to them for the whole night, you can still meet up with them for lunch and talk wad!"

Yes and now you're telling me a whole different set of bullshit. You said I can meet up, and now you say I cant. Fuck stop confusing me and cheating my feelings. Taking advantage of the current situation and making everything my fault.

I tried so hard to make myself happy in AC, so hard, that sometimes I just reach my limit and crack. I just burst out in tears and bawled my heart out. Self-pity can make myself feel alot better, but all the more empty on the inside.

I never thought it would happen to me, but I dont look forward to going to school like how nessa does. In weeks and weeks of school, the only thing I look forward to is actually the outings I will have with my OG. They're like my painkillers, giving me temporary relief from all the pain and hurt I feel over and over again.

Needless to say, being temporary as it is, I would need that recurring dosage. That's where my worries and fears lie. I'm so addicted, I cant pull myself away from them. I just cant seem to let go, or perhaps even just feel a little less attatched. What am I to do if I'm not going get their dosage of company and laughters anymore? Perhaps, just perhaps, to at least a small extent, I can feel how drug addicts feel when they try to quit drugs. Withdrawals symptoms can be excruciatingly painful.

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5th Apr 07: KFC for dinner, camwhoring for dessert.


Though unglam, pigs are cool.

LL muah muah :))


"OI, you take wad pictures! Kill your family with char siew bao ah I tell you."


Use darlie toothpaste!


Sweetest colleen who laughs at absolutely nonsensical commercials.


Supper after finale night 1.

HAHA ABEL COME KILL ME WHOO HOO!!



Convict on the loose.


Carin with the mesmerizing DJ voice :D


GAYSHIT GABBY, you rock my worlddd :))


Pictorial Humour.

Chilling at Vivo top floor.



Whack your head ah cheng cheng!


I'm a mole! or is it a rabbit.


That's not me.


Colleen's slippers!

Econs lecture can be a bore.



SA's typical nerd. He's our great friend.


Copying out the WHOLE of chinese chapter cuz we pon class.


I cant rmb whose fingers those belong to.


Anywhere is good for camwhoring :))

Have I mentioned this is one of my fav pic?



Basking in the warm sunshine.


I LOVE.


Mental institution patients.


Ah lians wanna-be.

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So many words, for the broken heart
It's hard to see, in the crimson love
So hard to breathe,
walk with me, and maybe


Show me the meaning of being lonely
Is this the feeling, I need to walk with
Tell me why, I cant be there where you are?
There's something missing in my heart.

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detonatedlove
tstrayer76
SCC MJ
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