Friday, May 4, 2007
10:10 PM
It's over.

I dont know anymore. I doubt the credibility of you words. How much truth are there in what you said actually? They may be true, but are those really the reasons?

I have so many questions to ask you, but I guess they wouldnt make any difference. Sometimes I wonder, what's the value of all the things in the past? Were they sincere? When we were close, were we really close? Perhaps it's just that you once cared, but no longer anymore. We werent true friends, were we.

Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'll offend you by saying all those. I really hope you could tell me that I AM wrong. Wishful thinking huh.

You have no idea how much you mean to me, how dear you are to me as a friend. It gets me all saddened when I think of you, thinking of all those unanswered questions, thinking that... it's all over. It's like as if our friendship never existed, ended before it has even started.

I'm not stupid, I'm not blind. I can tell, the change in your attitude towards me, the things you do, the things you say, or more like the many many things you dont say anymore. Time time time. That's the culprit huh. If that's the case, damn time. I hate you time, for making me lose a friend.

Please, dont go all "I'll still be there." It hurts to hear it and not seeing you fulfill the promise. Raising my expectations, raising my hopes, those are not wise things to do.

Really, I dont want this to become an obligation to you. How much worth are there in a friendship that's held and maintained only by obligations? Dont feel like you owe me anything, cuz you dont. Dont say you're sorry, cuz when you do, what exactly are you apologising about? Sorry that you've neglected me? Dont.

Neglect is not the right word to use. I'm not your daughter, with a parent who spends too little time with the kid cuz of the hectic worklife and mounting workload. You know the love is still there, you know he still cares, but he just had to set his piorities right.

Do you still care?

Time and again, I question myself. Maybe it's just me, I'm being paranoid, I think too much, I worry too much about insignificant things. I'm tired. The barrier is there and I'm just too exhausted to climb over it, so I'm just going to give it all up altogether. I'm not going to care anymore, though I dont suppose it'll make much of a difference to you. I'm hanging at the edge of your world, but do you even notice?

I'm going to stop hurting myself. You'll just be a person, a peice of memory that I'll reminisce about, because you're no longer there, and I'm no longer waiting and searching for you.

You can go on without me.
detonatedlove
tstrayer76
SCC MJ
horizonroad


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