Thursday, March 20, 2008
10:29 PM
REFLECTION

Arghh I still have a lot of things that I have to blog about, like the holidays and all that but I am very occupied and frustrated by what's on my mind now I just have to blog about this first. My blog posts were never in chronological order anyway.

Okay. First, I think nowadays I've gone too far with my vulgarities and my very long middle finger. Somehow it's a very periodical thing. Last year with OG7 I was vulgar like nobody's business, then when I got into AC last year I toned down very much, it felt quite good. Suddenly, now with SC8 [Sure Can Fa(8)], all my vulgarities slipped out agn. It's just a very convenient companion word for every sentence you can make, and now that I started it wouldnt stop and they're pouring like the vomit when Lala ate too much cheese.

Note to self:

Why say "What the fuck?" when you can say "What the hell or what??"?

Why laugh and point middle finger when someone is being lame, when you can laugh and smack him and say "what the hell or what??"?

Why say "Fuck." when a minor error occurs when you can say "Crap" or "shucks" or "shit"?

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Ah so I'll try my best to refrain from using too many "fuck"s when there's absolutely no need for "fuck"s. But I suppose I'll still use it when I'm REALLY REALLY angry.

Friends please help me with this.

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Now for the second, and which I think is a very important thing. I think I've gone too far in terrorising the young boys in my school. HAHA wait now with the vulgarities issue and this terrorising thing I sound like a freaking bully who goes around giving everyone a hard time.

But anyway, back to the terrorising thing. For all my friends who know me well you'd know that I have this liking towards cute guys rite. Not just the looks cute type but the ah-you're-so-cute-I-wanna-pinch-your-face kind of cute too, right? Okay, so I have this kind of eye-candies all over school. Not really all over school just bout 3 of them, one of which is nathan which everyone already knows I'm crazy over.

So, I'm rather open when it comes to expressing affection... Ok correction: I'm VERY open when it comes to expressing affection (towards girls especially I think my classmates can totally understand that). I'm not a desperate whore who goes around being a slut and tries to seduce guys or smth, cuz I'm not desperate in the first place. You just cant resist how cute someone is when they're totally your type, but you would very seldom dare to think about everything leading to a relationship cuz eye-candies are eye-candies. OK so that's one thing clarified but I dont even know if I'm making sense.

Then, through my overly open expression of affection, I think I have scared quite a few of my eye-candies. Hold that, maybe I have scared ALL of my eye-candies. HAHA shit I sound like a loser. Well there's lester (ok he's not really my eye-candy but I just think he's really cute and amusing), who scurries away whenever I'm in view, mainly because I keep messing aroundd with him and said I'm gonna buy him over as human pet. But of course I wasnt serious, it was all in the name of fun.

Next there's the twins. I asked them "Hey hey tell me truthfully k, are you scared of me?"

"A little."

HAHA I was like shit this is bad I really need to stop doing this kind of things and making boys feel traumatised.

Lastly there's nathan, my most important eye-candy of all. I draw energy from him cuz the day always feels a bit better whenever I take a look at him. So I would be crushed if he were to hate me or anth. I might have gone too far in scaring him with all my jokes as well (which, sometimes can make me sound like a crazy sick bitch who's also a pedophile.). I would never want him to feel sexually harassed and emotionally and mentally distressed.

JANE WHAT HAVE YOU BECOME!?

So, I'm going to stop all these nonsense. My own fun and laugh might be someone else's distress and trauma.

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Two huge steps I'm taking tonight, changes for the better.

You can do it Jane!
detonatedlove
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